Parenting from the Inside Out: How a Deeper Self-Understanding Can Help You Raise Children Who Thrive
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- Create Date：2021-04-18 11:59:26
- Update Date：2025-09-06
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- Author：Daniel J. Siegel
- ISBN：039916510X
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Summary
An updated edition—with a new foreword by Daniel Siegel—of the bestselling parenting classic
In Parenting from the Inside Out， child psychiatrist Daniel J。 Siegel， M。D。， and early childhood expert Mary Hartzell， M。Ed。， explore the extent to which our childhood experiences shape the way we parent。 Drawing on stunning new findings in neurobiology and attachment research， they explain how interpersonal relationships directly impact the development of the brain， and offer parents a step-by-step approach to forming a deeper understanding of their own life stories， which will help them raise compassionate and resilient children。
Born out of a series of parents' workshops that combined Siegel's cutting-edge research on how communication impacts brain development with Hartzell's decades of experience as a child-development specialist and parent educator， this book guides parents through creating the necessary foundations for loving and secure relationships with their children。
Reviews
Alexandra
，
I greatly enjoyed this book。 It helped me understand the deeper reason for everything behind well-rounded parenting。 On some level everyone knows they should be taking these approaches when dealing with their child as well as themselves， but knowing the science behind it along with plenty of every day examples to use helps the application of it all feel more confident and seamless。
Catherine
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Recommendation from my counselor before having baby， but only now getting around to reading it。 Good timing since it’s terrible two stage coming up here。 A lot of technical， advanced neurological science in here。 I’d rather have a print copy to slow down and read through。 I only did one chapter-end exercise but it was really helpful and I intend to finish the others after buying the book。 Really helpful tool to the inner workings of a developing brain （including an adult developing brain）。 Thank Recommendation from my counselor before having baby， but only now getting around to reading it。 Good timing since it’s terrible two stage coming up here。 A lot of technical， advanced neurological science in here。 I’d rather have a print copy to slow down and read through。 I only did one chapter-end exercise but it was really helpful and I intend to finish the others after buying the book。 Really helpful tool to the inner workings of a developing brain （including an adult developing brain）。 Thankful for the reminder to be compassionate with myself when the lower functions of the brain flood。 And to explain what happened to my daughter so she can know she is not ‘bad’ but that I had a reaction。 Parenting myself from the inside out。 。。。more
Lindsay
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It’s great to read parenting books whose approach goes beyond parenting and incorporates personal growth。 I’m sure that this along with The Whole-Brained Child will be handbooks for me as my son grows。
Megan Quinn
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I wish there were more examples like the engagement ones they included towards the end of the book。 So much time spent initially setting up concepts。
Mackenzi Sylvester
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You guys。 This book。 🙀🙌🤯👏💫⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️ I am a person with traumas that I’m still working through， a person who had three kids really young。 Those two things decided the course of my life for years。 Things have not been easy for me。 But I *am* doing my best to raise healthy humans。 This book walked me through the trauma brain and how it affects parenting。 It took me to places that felt scary to talk about and it made me feel seen and accepted。 It also gave me advice for how to avoid taking “the low You guys。 This book。 🙀🙌🤯👏💫⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️ I am a person with traumas that I’m still working through， a person who had three kids really young。 Those two things decided the course of my life for years。 Things have not been easy for me。 But I *am* doing my best to raise healthy humans。 This book walked me through the trauma brain and how it affects parenting。 It took me to places that felt scary to talk about and it made me feel seen and accepted。 It also gave me advice for how to avoid taking “the low road” when parenting， and instead focus on the long-term goals I have and how I can manage day-to-day parenting to reach those goals。 Truly 5/5 stars for any human who wants to know their brain better， but specifically those with trauma/panic disorders， and parents。This took me forever to read。 I needed to read it very slowly and carefully， and I sometimes had to pause to reflect， even for weeks or months。 But I kept picking it up again， because it is changing my parenting， and I can see things happening between myself and my children。 。。。more
Kristen Stoddard
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Offers valuable insight， and really breaks down the science of the brain。
Kari
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I didn't particularly enjoy reading this book - it's a bit dry， but there's a lot of interesting information， including some new ways of looking at things I hadn't thought of before despite a lot of reading on topics like this。 I like how each chapter has a separate section at the end of it digging into the brain science behind the chapter topic， which can be skimmed or skipped on a first read or if you're not interested in the deep dive。 I didn't particularly enjoy reading this book - it's a bit dry， but there's a lot of interesting information， including some new ways of looking at things I hadn't thought of before despite a lot of reading on topics like this。 I like how each chapter has a separate section at the end of it digging into the brain science behind the chapter topic， which can be skimmed or skipped on a first read or if you're not interested in the deep dive。 。。。more
Megan Althoff
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This is not your average parenting book。 It is not tips and tricks for getting your kids to cooperate。 It is not practical advice for reacting to your kids' behavior and emotions。 It is instead a reminder that your recurring parenting issues are really just YOUR issues: your baggage， your unmet needs， your failing coping mechanisms。 It helped my understand why my brain works the way it does and gave me some strategies to help me heal。 Basically， if I want to be a better parent， I need to be a be This is not your average parenting book。 It is not tips and tricks for getting your kids to cooperate。 It is not practical advice for reacting to your kids' behavior and emotions。 It is instead a reminder that your recurring parenting issues are really just YOUR issues: your baggage， your unmet needs， your failing coping mechanisms。 It helped my understand why my brain works the way it does and gave me some strategies to help me heal。 Basically， if I want to be a better parent， I need to be a better person。 There were parts of this book that I found a little clinical and honestly， beyond my grasp。 There were some points raised that I had already gleaned from prior reading and self-work。 Everything else was so helpful that none of that mattered。 The practical thought exercises at the end of each chapter I found particularly insightful and thought-provoking。 I highly recommend this to any parent。 。。。more
Catalina
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“Children need to be enjoyed and valued， not managed。How we treat our children changes who they are and how they will develop。 Their brains need our parental involvement。 Nature needs nurture”It has a lot of theory about parenting and emotions and connection with each other。 All that theory resulted in the 2 star rating。 You can get some good insights from this book but I wouldn’t recommend it al lot。
Medenne
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One of those books every parent needs to read before they have kids。 I’ve followed Dr Dan Siegel for many years now。 Great book。 Pertinent important information into the science of emotions， the development of the brain and much more。 Wholeheartedly recommend
Sarah Miskell
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I really wanted to love this book。 I can honestly say I loved and found parts of this book truly inspiring and I have already shifted my parenting to incorporate a great deal of the advice from these authors。 That being said， this is possibly one of the more interesting parenting theories I’ve read （and I read a lot of parenting books） presenting in the MOST boring， slow， unnecessarily clinical and complex way possible。 I can’t even count how many times I fell asleep。 It literally took me over a I really wanted to love this book。 I can honestly say I loved and found parts of this book truly inspiring and I have already shifted my parenting to incorporate a great deal of the advice from these authors。 That being said， this is possibly one of the more interesting parenting theories I’ve read （and I read a lot of parenting books） presenting in the MOST boring， slow， unnecessarily clinical and complex way possible。 I can’t even count how many times I fell asleep。 It literally took me over a year to finish reading。 The whole of the book just really could have been presented more concisely and in a more approachable way。 。。。more
Jill
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I really enjoyed Siegel's The Whole Brain Child， which he had co-written with Tina Payne Bryson。 It was short， pithy and accessibly written and I was looking forward to Parenting from the Inside Out。 The premise of Parenting from the Inside Out is that if you want to be an effective parent， you've got to do the self-work and develop self-awareness of who you are， and how your experiences have shaped you and your responses to situations。 If you're not aware of your emotional baggage， your child c I really enjoyed Siegel's The Whole Brain Child， which he had co-written with Tina Payne Bryson。 It was short， pithy and accessibly written and I was looking forward to Parenting from the Inside Out。 The premise of Parenting from the Inside Out is that if you want to be an effective parent， you've got to do the self-work and develop self-awareness of who you are， and how your experiences have shaped you and your responses to situations。 If you're not aware of your emotional baggage， your child can experience you as being inconsistent， confusing， distant or even frightening。 So we need to reflect on our responses as a parent and why we respond the way we do。 And the book has exercises to help you work through this （and extra reading if you're interested in the science grounding each chapter）。 That's mainly it。 But whereas The Whole Brain Child felt like a quick and speedy read， Parenting from the Inside Out felt plodding and repetitive and maybe about a 100 pages too long。 The most useful chapters were probably chapters 3 and 4 on connecting emotionally， which stressed the importance of being attuned to and acknowledging your child's emotions （e。g。 instead of screeching at your kid to take the bugs he's brought in out of the kitchen， to acknowledge his excitement over his find then asking him to take them out where they will be happier）， being able to reflect and respond to your child's emotions appropriately （instead of denying their emotions e。g you're not hurt， there's no need to cry， or that toy isn't very nice， let's put it down）。 Chapter 8， on how we can reconnect and repair the attachment with our children after a disconnection or rupture was also a useful reminder。 。。。more
Knope
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This was such a hard read due to its absolute vital knowledge it held and unfolded for me。 It’s created a shift of understanding in how I parent and live。 And the work I know that must be done to heal my own life to be the best me for my children。 I haven’t had many books resonate with me on such a deep level and I am so grateful I found this information。 It was really permission to allow myself to grieve and heal from my own childhood - I never realized the impact it still had on me。
Parisha Dalia
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Very insightful information that I will definitely use as I parent。 Docked one star for format。 Understand the rationale on having inside out exercises portion and the scientific corner， but for me， made it rather clunky to read。 Would rather have those pieces flow through the topic of the chapter to better integrate the information rather than separate sections for each chapter。
Rita CO
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One of the few non-condescending parenting books out there。 I appreciated the therapeutic approaches they presented。
Raymond Crane
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Fiction Writing and ParentingThe writer or reader of fictions may not at first glance see any correlation between the two ideas。 An inkling that there is value in comparing them persuades me to pursue in an investigative manner the similarities and differences， and to see if defining these two apparently unrelated conceptual indicators can provide a new idea of both in relation to each other， and the bigger picture。 Let’s start from a truth。 I very rarely have written about parenting in my novel Fiction Writing and ParentingThe writer or reader of fictions may not at first glance see any correlation between the two ideas。 An inkling that there is value in comparing them persuades me to pursue in an investigative manner the similarities and differences， and to see if defining these two apparently unrelated conceptual indicators can provide a new idea of both in relation to each other， and the bigger picture。 Let’s start from a truth。 I very rarely have written about parenting in my novellas and it is only recently with my two volume novel that my attentions have been focused in that direction。 This is， you may be saying， because Raymond has no experience with parenting and has never been a parent himself。 Now though this be true， the reason is another matter。 You see I made a conscious decision when I was 20 years old not to be a parent。 At age 16 I had subconsciously made the same act of non-commitment for I could see at that time that powers being as they were I could have my responsibilities as a parent usurped， undermined， that is， I could not be free to be the guide and role-model that I would wish to claim as my natural right。 I remember those days very well。 My child could be taken from me， conscripted and sent off to war – that is beyond control。 Also a child who should be mine until the age of 18 could be thrust into a rude world of unemployment or attacked in the street by gangs of resentful and violent dissidents with racial grudges against person’s such as my child， of a certain colour of skin。Most people of my age then， who were having families seemed to regard their children as only bodies and could not see their responsibility to their offspring to shape them psychologically and provide moral guidelines。 Today， 50 years later at least， the situation appears better on the surface but in actual fact it is worse。 A child today would consider themselves to be a cultural freak if they did not from an early age play violent video or internet games like all other children， and their parents made to feel too restrictive if they so much as lifted a finger in the way of advising their child to play such games responsibly and with extreme caution。 This is only the surface scenario of what we all accept as the natural state of the world， but it is unsatisfactory enough for me not to feel confident that a grand-child of mine would grow up to be a distorted form of what I would otherwise recognise as being a natural human。 People are socially conditioned and constructed with peer group pressure on both children and between parents with huge multi-national companies foisting values upon us all that I neither condone nor approve。So as a fiction writer how do I go about handling this less than delicate situation in the form of representing persons young and old as they face the challenges of the current everyday world。 It has been a matter of avoidance on my part， I do not portray young children and neither older adults but naturally find an affinity with what is known in marketing terminology as – ‘New Adults，’ between the ages of 18 and 30 years。 I could ramble on for pages about how people were from 100 years ago until the present in relation to international affairs and people’s attitudes towards the terrific occurrence of wars， wherever。 Most people have no voice in what wars their sovereignty obligates them to participate in and they are not even considered knowledgeable enough to make any decision on their own behalf as to what goes down in the world theatre where unmentionable individuals march us off to fight without a second thought as to how they don’t really possess the authority to command anyone to fight， to kill and to allow our offspring to be involved in actions totally beyond control。Therefore I advise all writers to avoid the situation of parenting in their writings unless they can positively influence a bad and worsening scenario。 Let N/A’s be advised that they enter the state of parenthood at their own peril and that their very own child will not be theirs in fact but belong to the big irresponsible abstract picture that is the fate of humans in history， but need not be so， if only we could grasp the reigns of control from anonymous masters who blindly hase the holy dollar， at our expense。 If my attitude seems extreme just think about the situation as I have outlined it， and prepare yourself for the worst， even worser than you can actually predict at present， for as all mature adults and fiction writers know， the representation of families is often simplified， without confronting the actual circumstances that we all will， or did， have to face， and abide with as if we were in control of our lives and not the pawns of historical pseudo sociological reasoning’s or even the lack of such。 Peace be with us all – Raymond Crane 。。。more
Liz
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I didn’t read all of this - started for a book club， then we changed the date for this book to one I couldn’t attend。。。 and I don’t know that I’ll get back to finish it。 Some decent principles and thoughts， and I agree with others who have said to start with chapter 7 on the high and low road。 Makes all of it much clearer。Useful as one lens to look at parenting。 I appreciate that they had “spotlight on science” segments at the end of each chapter- basically a deeper dive on the neuroscience。 I I didn’t read all of this - started for a book club， then we changed the date for this book to one I couldn’t attend。。。 and I don’t know that I’ll get back to finish it。 Some decent principles and thoughts， and I agree with others who have said to start with chapter 7 on the high and low road。 Makes all of it much clearer。Useful as one lens to look at parenting。 I appreciate that they had “spotlight on science” segments at the end of each chapter- basically a deeper dive on the neuroscience。 I just couldn’t get into it。 But the good news is that in skipping those bits， it’s actually not too lengthy of a book！Surely helpful for some， but not something I’d retain。 。。。more
Shelby Leppin
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Helpful thoughts on addressing your own trauma and growing in your ability to improve your communication。
Shawna
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As a mental health professional， and parent， this book was helpful in understanding how we experience disconnection with our children， why it may happen， and how to reconnect。 The book is divided into the explanation of topics （i。e。 how we perceive reality） and a section on the science behind it。 While it took me a while to finish the book， partly due to its density， it has become an important informant to my work with families。 Of particular help is the High Road/Low Road discussion。 As a paren As a mental health professional， and parent， this book was helpful in understanding how we experience disconnection with our children， why it may happen， and how to reconnect。 The book is divided into the explanation of topics （i。e。 how we perceive reality） and a section on the science behind it。 While it took me a while to finish the book， partly due to its density， it has become an important informant to my work with families。 Of particular help is the High Road/Low Road discussion。 As a parent， I could think of plenty of examples of how this idea has played out hundreds of times in interactions with my own children。 If I knew then， what I know now。。。The authors assure readers that all is NOT lost and reconnection with our children is possible， no matter how damaged we think the relationship is。 Of course， there is great work to be done: working through our own childhood experiences， putting them in context within our lifelong experiences， and how to use them for the good of the relationship we wish to have with our children。 This book would benefit all mental health professionals-all professionals， really， that work with families （i。e。 schools and churches）。 This would be helpful for families who find themselves struggling with bonding and attachment to their children。 。。。more
ana
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Muy bueno Buen libro para padres aunque al tener muchos datos técnicos se vuelve muy largo y algo pesado para cualquier padre。 Es más para especialistas que ayudan a los padres。
Henry
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This book seemed to be more about processing one's own parenting than it has to do anything with one's own children。 Some of the discussion on processing traumatic events is intense， and eye opening。 I will definitely be reading more of this author。 This book seemed to be more about processing one's own parenting than it has to do anything with one's own children。 Some of the discussion on processing traumatic events is intense， and eye opening。 I will definitely be reading more of this author。 。。。more
Reb 🦅
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Molto interessante il taglio neurologico che dà alla comprensione delle emozioni e alle dinamiche relazionali！
Valerie
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This was the number one recommended book for new parents from my husband's therapist group， and I can see why。 It is less of a "how-to" and more of a self-reflection tool。 It focuses much more at analyzing your own childhood， personality， and history， pulling out the good things and gaining awareness over the problems。 It respects that every family is different， and instead of prescribing 5 steps for potty training， discusses how to stay calm in situations and what to do when you inevitably do l This was the number one recommended book for new parents from my husband's therapist group， and I can see why。 It is less of a "how-to" and more of a self-reflection tool。 It focuses much more at analyzing your own childhood， personality， and history， pulling out the good things and gaining awareness over the problems。 It respects that every family is different， and instead of prescribing 5 steps for potty training， discusses how to stay calm in situations and what to do when you inevitably do lose your cool。 I think it's a book I'll be coming back to as I start this journey。 。。。more
Serena
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Riemergo da questa lettura che ha riscoperto dolori sotterrati ma acceso ed alimentato la luce della consapevolezza che si può sempre partire da un certo punto in poi per interagire con i propri figli in modo costruttivo per entrambe le parti
Lauren Clauson
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Recommended reading from my therapist to spark conversations about starting a family with my husband。
S。
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A must read for every parent out there If you are going to read just one book about parenting， this is it。 Search no more。 This really insightful book is not only a parenting one but also a self development one， hence a great parenting book。。。
Gina
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There is no doubt that this book is well researched and well written。 I took a couple of useful tidbits from it。 However， it is also very heavy on neuropyschobiology and I skimmed a fair bit of it。 Repetitive in parts。 When I read a parenting book， I want it to be practical， not "let's look at your past and see why you parent the way you do。" There is no doubt that this book is well researched and well written。 I took a couple of useful tidbits from it。 However， it is also very heavy on neuropyschobiology and I skimmed a fair bit of it。 Repetitive in parts。 When I read a parenting book， I want it to be practical， not "let's look at your past and see why you parent the way you do。" 。。。more
Andrea
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This book was dense with neuroscience but a lot of the lessons are worth going through。
Rachel Mielke
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Somehow this book was both overly technical and somewhat vague。 I really would have liked more examples。 Still， I was able to get a few nuggets of information out of it that will hopefully prove useful。
Jennifer
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